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People said she was a saint, perfect in every way. He stood up, bravely, in the funeral and, voice cracking, said that no, she wasn’t a saint. She was crap at cooking, she was stubborn as a mule, she was pretty as a picture, she was tone deaf – people laughed, remembering her voice soaring above (and below, and sideways) in the hymns at their wedding – she was artistic and taught him to appreciate Damian Hurst, Jackson Pollock and Magritte; she was also a tiger in bed (though he didn’t say that). She was, he said, a combination that he loved and would always love. She was also very forgiving. Her faith was far stronger than his had ever been, and she would have forgiven the girls; so he had to as well. Her parents, also church-going, card-carrying, Baptists; found that admirable but too hard. They didn’t forgive, they couldn’t see Martin again, they told him. It was too hard. So he forgave the girls their one stupid mistake. Anybody can make a mistake; sometimes, mostly, we get away. "What?" I asked.She just repeated, "Oh my God!" What!" I repeated. "Look, come in or go out. Don't just stand there with the door open."She nervously stepped inside and closed the door.After I had finished and was about to put it away, she said, "Wait! Can I touch it?" What?" I gasped. "My dick?" Yeah! Can I touch your dick?" You've never seen a dick before?" I asked."Not a big one like you got!"I have a big one? I had no idea! "Really? I have a big one?" It's fucking huge! How is it that none of the girls I know about you?"I was about to say something like, "Maybe it's because you girls all put me down when I try to talk to one of you," but, instead, I said, "I've never been with a girl." Shit! You're gay? What a fucking shame!" Hey!" I blurted. "I'm not gay! I've just never been with a girl, is all!" Well," she sauntered up closer to me, "there's always a first time, right?" Uh, yeah," I said, not really knowing what to say."Well?" she said."Well what?" I asked."You know..." I don't.
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